“Hey Daddy,” said Ashika in a low and sweet voice.

Tarun woke up from his slumber to see his 18-year-old daughter sitting in front of him. He scratched his head and rubbed his eyes to see her clearly.

“Hey, Ashika. What are you doing here? What time is it? Don’t you have your college?”

“I missed it to spend some time with you. I hadn’t seen you for long.”

“Yeah! It’s been long. But why has it been so long? Why didn’t we meet for all these days?”

Tarun felt he was living a dream. Anshika looked so grown up and so pretty. It felt as if she was a kid yesterday. He rubbed his eyes again to look at her again.

“We haven’t met for what happened years before. Mumma and you decided to part ways.”

Tarun felt startled. He was somehow finding it strange as if he wasn’t a part of it. As if he never divorced Sulekha, Anshika’s mother.

“Mumma got my custody in the court and I was asked to be with her forever. You lost me there Dad,” said Anshika.

Tarun had tears in his eyes. He was pinching himself to see if he was awake. He thought that couldn’t have happened.

“How has it been since then Anshika?” asked Tarun.

“Umm, not so great dad. Mom looked for a job to raise me. She moved to Nanu’s (maternal grandfather’s) house for a while.”

“They loved you a lot, I know. They were always loving.”

“Yes they did. It went well until Mama (Maternal uncle) got married. Maami (maternal aunt) didn’t want me there much.”

“Did she ill-treat you?”

Not really, but she didn’t like my shouting loud, or being too cozy with her. She pinched me at times and I saw her laughing about it. I overheard where she said I am a pain for them.

Tarun had tears in his eyes. He was filled with anger and disgust.

“Soon, my toys were given to the newborn, mama’s son. I was asked to take care of him. He was given new toys, was given ice creams, new dresses. I stood there silently in a corner missing you Dad. I didn’t get anything. I wished you were there to scold them all and say, that’s my daughter and no one can love her more than me. No one loved me like you did.”

“I was beaten a little for my mistakes. I went to a mediocre school. Had you been there, I know it would have been DPS. Mom told me that you were taught in two good schools.”

Tarun hugged Anshika tight and cried.

“It didn’t end here Dad,” she continued, “Naani started scolding me for the newborn. She asked me to sit away in a corner and said ‘Your father left you here and you are troubling us, ask him to take you away.'”

“Where was your mother all this time?”

“She was trying her best to buy us a living. She had to go to the office and came in the evening. We would spend some time together and this was the best time of my life.”

Tarun felt relaxed over Sulekha being there for Anshika.

“After some time, Naani forced mom to get married again. Mumma took time, about a year, but she got convinced. It wasn’t her fault dad. She wanted a little rest. The job was too taxing and she wanted me to have a father.”

“I understand” replied Tarun.

“How was your new father? Did he love you” asked Tarun.

“Dad, why would he? He was fine but he didn’t love me. He didn’t like my being there with mumma. I was shooked away. I wasn’t allowed to sleep with mumma, as he wanted his own privacy with her.” said Anshika. “I was scolded over thngs I never did. Someone broke his vase and he always said that it would be me. I was blamed for everthing I never did.”

“Mumma said, you never allowed anyone to blame me and would not even listen to a complain against me.”

“Sulekha always said she won’t marry, how could she?” asked Tarun angrily.

“Dad, it was a tough decision and she was expecting things to be better this time. But she missed you Dad. She said that to me at times. She wanted to relive those moments and try being calm when you were angry. She said, it was for some bad moments that it all happened. She can easily handle it today if she get’s another chance, as she says to me at times.”

Tarun was awestruck. He was recalling those fights and the idea of proving oneself correct which didn’t help either of them. It was trivial like whose parents were right and which value system is better to live life with, should one be careless or careful about certain things, the issue of having free time for each other and who said what and who lied about what. Tarun had grown out of it but found it too silly, just like Sulekha did, to have fought over it.

“Dad, had you been there, I would not have been shooked all my childhood. I would not have stayed in someone else’s house but your house. You would have taught me in the best school and would not have objected over my sleeping with mumma. I would not have seen my cousin getting a new toy when I was asked to stand aside and stay quiet. Dad, why didn’t you hold on to it?

The question got nailed in Tarun’s head. It was painful.

“Had you held it, even if it was too much of losing your self-respect or losing after every fight, I would have been with you throughout. You would have had me around always Dad. Was I less valuable than your self-respect?”

Tarun could see tears dripping down her eyes. He felt ashamed.

” Dad, why didn’t you hold on to it. I wanted your love all through. I lost my pride as I lost you.”

Tarun felt a gush of pain in his chest. He wished he could improve it all. He wanted his daughter to be with him for everything she had missed. Every word Anshika said was echoing in his ears.

“I am sorry Anshika, I could have kept it alive,” he said but there was an unbearable pain in his chest.”

Anshika ran to her father to place her hand over his chest and to calm him down.

Tarun was repeatedly apologizing for what he did and he wanted to relive it.

“What are you apologizing for, it wasn’t your mistake Dad. Please. Open your eyes Dad, please open your eyes.”

Anshika was shaking him hard to make him open his eyes. Tarun was reclined back on the recliner but it was too much of a pressure to open his eyes.

“Open your eyes dad, open your eyes.”

Tarun tried hard and opened his eyes after 15 minutes. He found himself in his bed. Anshika was there sitting by his side. She was babbling something which Tarun couldn’t understand. He rubbed his eyes again.

“I am sorry Anshika, I am sorry to have let you go my love.”

“Mumma, Daddy ouch, Daddy ouch.”

Tarun was shocked. Anshika was 1 year old. She would stand on Tarun’s chest to make it painful for Tarun. Whatever he went through was strange.

Sulekha came out to see if everything was all right.

“you are still here?” asked Tarun.

“Want me to leave? I can if you say, I have always said, I am young enough to raise my child alone.”

Tarun was numb.

“If it’s for the fight we had last night, don’t think I am scared of any consequence. My parents love me enough to accept me back and Anshika stays with me if we part ways.”

Tarun put his hands on his face to relax and thank god that nothing had happened yet. He knew he had to hold on to it for Anshika.

He smiled at Anshika saying “I will hold on to it baby. Thanks for showing me that.”

Tarun doesn’t know if that was on purpose or something an infant couldn’t control, but Anshika winked back.