How wonderful is it to get intimate with someone? Your answer would be “Depends.” Exactly, so what does it depend on? It depends on the level of comfort you have with that other person. That is one factor which is important. But let’s get closer and see what else makes the experience beautiful. Maybe it is the passion both of you carry to take the task of intimacy further to cuddling and finally making love. So the fire in a relationship does matter to a large extent. But what else? Try making love with someone who is expecting a lot from you in that experience of sex and in other aspects of life. You would experience a sense of shallowness. The person would want the experience to be perfect and you should be able to make it perfect for him/her so that he/she feels beautiful about it. So you might have a lot of pressure on you and you would stumble several times. In case of men, it might make you feel that you have erectile dysfunction for a few hours when you wanted it the most and your partner who had high expectations of you might bully you with his small comments or by merely looking at you. In women, when the man is too demanding, it might cause a lot of fear, less of wetting and least participation. The pressure is due to the high expectation of the partner and the shallowness of the practice due to this demanding attitude.
Also, intimacy with a man or woman financially weak and with high ambitions is worthless. He/She would be too hungry inside, the hunger of resources, richness and everything he/she lacks. The experience wouldn’t be enriching and might leave you more thirsty. You would enjoy it with such a person when you yourself are in the same boat of fewer resources and high dreams. The energy of a man/woman who is quite fulfilled, satisfied or resourceful would match the best with someone who is equally satisfied or resourceful.
The difference is of getting intimate with a king/ queen and getting intimate with a beggar (with huge ambitions). There is a drastic difference. So why is there a difference? The energy of a person practicing gratitude is fulfilling and positive. The energy is high in frequency and has a tendency to give out something to the partner. Even if the person isn’t too rich, but is happy and satisfied with what he/she has, the energy would be positive and would have a lot to give to the partner. On the other hand, a man/ woman with zero gratitude would make the other person feel empty and incomplete. The person would emit and transfer negativity making it a “Tamsik” experience.
Believers of Krishna at ISKCON are taught to meditate before making love. This meditation is there to appreciate what life has provided one with and the partner one has to make love with. Gratitude settles the energy, makes one neutral and finally makes one a medium of the higher universe. If you remember a sexual experience with someone as special and worth remembering, it would be with someone who is thankful about life and is a medium of the higher energies operating around.