When we get a new account opened, it initially serves no purpose in our life. Until there is a little deposit, we cannot think of making a withdrawal. The rule here is, the more you deposit, the better you can withdraw. Can we expect our bank account to serve us more than we have saved in it? No! Any over withdrawal is a debt and has to be paid back to bring a balance.
We often fail to understand that every relation is a fresh account in the beginning which needs to be filled from both the partners to have enough to withdraw from. Every act or every failure to act is either a deposit or a withdrawal in a relationship. For ex.- My wife needed to go to her university to get her graduation mark sheets. I, without being asked to, decided to accompany her and drop her there in my car. It was a deposit, as she felt helped and loved. If going there alone was a little difficult for her, she felt cared for. On the way, she was mistreated by someone and I avoided her agitation. She wanted me to react and care for her, but I didn’t. My failure to act here, was a sudden withdrawal from the account of love. Later at night she wanted to have a candle light dinner with me and ignoring it I called my friends for a party. She behaved her best before them, but I just made another withdrawal. The day these withdrawals exceed the deposits, she would start finding this relationship futile.
Certain deposits mean a lot and need to be made, understanding the need of the partner. If the husband seeks extra care for his old mother, it’s be a deposit he looks up to. A failure to perform can lead to a major withdrawal from the wife, taking the relation down to the dumps. A few withdrawals can be huge to handle. They can cause the account to run into negative even if there have previously been major deposits. For ex- A woman, still in touch with her ex-boyfriend, and receiving his calls, when the husband never wanted this to happen in the first place. He sees it as a nightmare. It reminds him (as told by his wife) of the intimate time his wife had with the ex-partner. It’s not a withdrawal for everyone, but this man would see his life crashing. The magnitude of this withdrawal is huge for the husband. No other deposit might be able to fill the account ever again.
A son, who liked baseball, felt how much his father loves him, when the father took him to all the baseball matches. The father made it a point to help the boy follow his passion, making huge deposits of love. The boy, in return, studied hard to make his father happy, making some deposits in return.
So, the science of relationships is always based on this phenomenon of withdrawals and deposits. One must get to know what matters the most to his/her partner. Any act done or not done, can be a deposit or withdrawal, as per the perception and state of mind of another. What can be a major deposit and what can be a major withdrawal needs to be noticed and taken care of. Be honest, be yourself and keep depositing.
Inspiration: Stephen R. Covey