A child is shaped during a crisis. A crises can be a situation where he loses his mental stability, feels emotionally weak, helpless or suppressed. Children need to be smartly guided through their tough times to make them confident, trusting and wise for such situations in the future. However, if the parents are emotionally wrecked due to the way they were addressed in their childhood or do not know the way it needs to be handled, they end up making the child weaker and unstable. Such children develop certain unknown fears, considering those fears to be normal or unavoidable. Have you seen people, fighting on roads, handling others roughly, trying to showcase their strength, working to prove something to the society, being too weak, or getting into drugs? These children were not attended wisely during their crises.

Let’s say your child comes home running after being bullied by someone. He was beaten and he is angry, upset, crying and is in the worst of his behaviors. You always have a choice about the way you handle it. Now you need to stop and understand that it isn’t about his behavior. Behaviour is merely a symptom of the pain he has experienced deep inside. If I start teaching him how to behave, I am inflicting more pain and adding to his misery. Then forget that he would ever reveal his pain to you or love you as he grows up. He has understood that he doesn’t  have a stable parent to handle situations or provide any sort of support.

I have seen parents shouting at the child telling him to be stronger to handle the situation himself. I would want to know, that if he has felt pain or felt helpless, did he know the right way to handle it? A situation handled for the first time by any human being doesn’t have a neuro connection built in his brain. One remains unaware on how to handle a situation well until one has handled it several times in the desired way. Then how do you expect a child to be strong enough to do it himself.

Feeling hurt for your child is also not the way to deal with it. If you feel hurt, you will inflate his injury. He would deep down realise that he has a weak parent, who should not be talked to, when in trouble. Your hurt would make his hurt increase multifold. He desires a stable behaviour that could make him strong and not weak. Parents fail to realise that their child never wants to hurt them. When he sees them hurt due to his troubles, he tends to hide his pain, hurt or troubles from them.

So how to handle the crises then? Starting from the child getting hurt and coming to you, it’s time to love him and make him feel relaxed. Listen to his trouble without getting hurt or disturbed yourself. This requires a stable and detached , yet loving, parent. Gradually, make him focus on the best things he has been offered by life to expand his vibrations which have narrowed down due to the hurt he has went through. This love would give him the acceptance he required. Acceptance makes one powerful. Unconditional acceptance is one of the nutrients a living body requires. You have made him emotionally stronger for years now. By not reacting or getting unstable or hurt or angry yourself, you have taught him what stability is. He learns from your behaviour and not from your words. You have acted like an antibiotic which instead of reacting to his pain, supported his immune system.

Now, make him realise that you are by his side and you would talk to the one who has troubled him or his parent, to sought the situation. Talk to the troublemaker in front of your child, so that the child develops a confidence to say that if he is ever troubled again his father or mother would handle the situation for him. Now he would feel liberated. The other person would not dare to invade his territory again.The troublemaker knows that the child is trusted and loved by his parents. Also, your child has learnt the lesson that his father or mother are there until he is weak and fragile. He has understood that till the time he grows up and becomes smart enough to handle his situations, he has someone to hold on to. He has also learnt the way he has to handle his children when he is an adult. Now he trusts you and the process of life.